When I read through my old mission statement, I cringed.
I am a recovering born again christian.
No, I am not a born again who is recovering.......I am recovering from BEING A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN.
I know that will offend some and I know that will cause some to believe that I am decieved; but that is what I am.
My husband and I walked away from our church group 4 years ago next month.
Sometimes when one is growing, one needs to shed things that don't work.
One needs to walk away from things that aren't truth in order to follow truth.
So the vision for Hannah's Haven has changed even from the mission statement.
What wasn't printed in the blog was the original proposed board of directors that we had in order to make the place a nonprofit ministry. Seeing names of people that I once loved deeply reminded me of what we left behind to follow what we felt was right.
I no longer believe that the church of today is doing what Jesus called us to do.
Or should I reword that to say, I no longer believe that organized religion is the church- if you are referring to the bride of Christ.
I no longer believe that the bible is the inerrant word of God. Seriously. Don't fall of your seat- I'm not evil- I just can't pretend anymore that there aren't contradictions and some really weird and scarey stories in there. Fathers sleeping with daughters and men inheriting their brother's wives....well, is there something wrong with me because I don't get it anymore? Or maybe now I GET IT and I want off of the boat.
Beam me up Scotty.
So, would Hannah's Haven be a christ centered place. Yes, I would like to believe so. But it wouldn't be a place that many christians would feel comfortable with.
I often let my mind wander- and truthfully, I have a really hard time believing that Jesus is the man that modern church leadership is telling us he is.
I don't believe that he hates the homosexual. sorry. It just doesn't make sense with his character.
I don't believe that he wants us to spend days and hours behind church doors with like minded people patting ourselves on the backs because we have arrived because we are born again.
I don't believe that he wants us to tithe and give more than tithe so that there is enough money to build bigger buildings, go on television, or have a better air conditioner for hot sunday worship jams.
sorry.
and the biggest sin that I committ of all?
I really don't believe that Jesus is a republican.
I could go on. The truth is I have a lot of questions about God and if that makes me a sinner, well, better that I sin for having questions than to LIE and pretend to be holy.
Where is this ramble coming from?
A wonderful, sweet, loving woman that I work with was sharing with me why Hannah's Haven isn't being bloomed yet.
She believes that I need to be in a church group, under a covering and from that place the Lord will push this vision out of me.
She further believes that it isn't manifesting because I am self focused on my own vision and not tending to the broader needs of the church body.
hhhmmmm. been there, done that. Served, served, served, served, served and served.
I trusted in God, I sat under the authority of my church leadership, I focused on everyone else's needs to the determint of my own. Seriously. I gave to the building fund, I gave to the collections.......and my own two children had no beds of their own. OKOKOK I am a cosleeper anyway so it wasn't too painful, but my children had needs that I wasn't meeting because I was trusting God by giving to the church first.
When this woman said this, I spent the next 3 days contemplating it.
My conclusion ?
If I have to return to the church, to get under an annointing, to give of myself, my time, my gifts, my money and my family to the level that we were???
Then not only do I NOT WANT THIS VISION, I am pretty sure that I don't want to be in heaven with this God that the church has described.
If what it takes is for me to simply return to church to have Hannah's Haven.......
then I wash my hands of Hannah's Haven and walk away this moment.
without regret or remorse.
Because even though I am not sure about God on many things- I know this- what He isn't is the abusive task master, vampire like God that many are speaking he is....
shame on them.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
mission statement
HEPHZIBAH
I. HANNAH’S HAVEN
(Is. 54 & Matt. 2:13)
· Adoption/ foster care
· Child care
· Christian day school for special education
II. CALEB’S CART
(Numbers 13:27 & Numbers 13:30)
· Organic garden
· Therapeutic farming
III. HOUSEHOLD OF ONESIPHORUS
(Is.58, 61 & 2 Timothy 1:16)
· Hospitality ministry
· Home group ministry
· Host special activities
· Retreat & Respite
· Woman’s center
· Life skills center
HEPHZIBAH
Hephzibah is the Hebrew word for “City of God ’s Delight.” In the spirit of God’s abundance, Hephzibah provides three primary areas of ministry; caring for children, therapeutic farming, and hospitality.
Our first mission is to care for the children. We call this ministry Hannah’s Haven. Our short term goal is to foster and adopt children into our family, raising them in the love and instruction of Jesus Christ. Out of the natural growth of this, we then plan to provide respite to families with children of special needs. This would begin phase two. Included in this second phase would be the development of a summer camp program for these same children as well as a before and after school care program. The final phase of this ministry would be to create and staff a full time Christian school for special needs children.
Our second mission is to create an organic garden and therapeutic farm. We call this ministry Caleb’s Cart. The short-term goal of our plan of action is to plant a garden, fruit trees and create a compost system. The second phase of this plan is to add small farm animals such as rabbits, poultry and goats. The third phase is to incorporate therapeutic goals and objectives in working this to service recovery to the children placed in Hannah’s Haven.
Our third mission is to provide within the framework of hospitality; comfort retreat and encouragement to other believers. We call this ministry the Household of Onesiphorus. Phase one of this ministry includes leading the meals’ ministry and serving on the hospital visitation ministry. Phase two would include being used by the home group ministry or to host small group studies. Phase three would include organizing and hosting retreats, alternative outreach activities, as well as using our facility as a overflow building for any life skills classes that are needed through Victorious Living. This would include the construction of a rustic barn upon our property where wood cabinet doors would open containing multi-media training equipment. The rustic barn would host a “tea room” which would be utilized as a woman’s center.
I. HANNAH’S HAVEN
(Is. 54 & Matt. 2:13)
· Adoption/ foster care
· Child care
· Christian day school for special education
II. CALEB’S CART
(Numbers 13:27 & Numbers 13:30)
· Organic garden
· Therapeutic farming
III. HOUSEHOLD OF ONESIPHORUS
(Is.58, 61 & 2 Timothy 1:16)
· Hospitality ministry
· Home group ministry
· Host special activities
· Retreat & Respite
· Woman’s center
· Life skills center
HEPHZIBAH
Hephzibah is the Hebrew word for “City of God ’s Delight.” In the spirit of God’s abundance, Hephzibah provides three primary areas of ministry; caring for children, therapeutic farming, and hospitality.
Our first mission is to care for the children. We call this ministry Hannah’s Haven. Our short term goal is to foster and adopt children into our family, raising them in the love and instruction of Jesus Christ. Out of the natural growth of this, we then plan to provide respite to families with children of special needs. This would begin phase two. Included in this second phase would be the development of a summer camp program for these same children as well as a before and after school care program. The final phase of this ministry would be to create and staff a full time Christian school for special needs children.
Our second mission is to create an organic garden and therapeutic farm. We call this ministry Caleb’s Cart. The short-term goal of our plan of action is to plant a garden, fruit trees and create a compost system. The second phase of this plan is to add small farm animals such as rabbits, poultry and goats. The third phase is to incorporate therapeutic goals and objectives in working this to service recovery to the children placed in Hannah’s Haven.
Our third mission is to provide within the framework of hospitality; comfort retreat and encouragement to other believers. We call this ministry the Household of Onesiphorus. Phase one of this ministry includes leading the meals’ ministry and serving on the hospital visitation ministry. Phase two would include being used by the home group ministry or to host small group studies. Phase three would include organizing and hosting retreats, alternative outreach activities, as well as using our facility as a overflow building for any life skills classes that are needed through Victorious Living. This would include the construction of a rustic barn upon our property where wood cabinet doors would open containing multi-media training equipment. The rustic barn would host a “tea room” which would be utilized as a woman’s center.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
We had a dream
(re-posting from other blog)
HANNAH'S HAVEN
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
that is our question. do we build Hannah's Haven or not?
I believed with all my heart that I heard from God. I believed that He would take the very sword used against me and use it against my enemies. I believed that He would take all the suffering and broken-ness from my childhood and use them as strengths.
I believed that I was called to create Hannah's Haven.
Hannah's Haven was a dream of mine to take in special needs foster kids and give them a "forever family".
We bought a fixer upper of a home because it had 3 acres of land that was surrounded by forest and 6 bedrooms.
We bought it because we BELIEVED God himself called us to do so.
We bought it 7 years ago.................
We planned to plant organic gardens, raise small animals and lovingly embrace our arms around hurting children.
Hannah's Haven is a story of ours that is still unfolding. I want to share it with you all and welcome your opinions.
Did I hear from God?
Did the prophets that prophesied over me tell the truth?
Am I simply being attacked because the enemy knows my calling and wants to snuff it out?
Am I simply not patient enough?
Am I simply CRAZY?
Here is the list of what happened since we bought this home, each has it's own story which I will continue to share:
1)Our son Caleb's head stopped growing. He was about 1 years old. We entered a world of MRIs, Catscans, genetic testing and a place of absolute fear for his life and future.
2)My husband developed an infection in his leg that placed him in a hospital. It wouldn't respond to ANY treatment for over a month. They were watching the infection climb his thigh, worried that if it got into an organ; it would be fatal.
3)We experienced a horrific miscarriage.
4)The local power company decided that our land was their land- and without imminent domain began a plan to build on it.
5)We hired our pastor who was a cabinet maker by trade to redo our kitchen. Apparently that meant he could read from a "home depot how to" book...took our money, left the job unfinished and relocated to California because God told him to.
6)We hired a christian electrician who did what he was paid to; kinda.
7)A very close friend's betrayal nearly destroyed our family.
8)An attempt to leave our church of 9 years caused us to enter a cyclone of spiritual abuse that has left us wounded. Do you know the commercial, "I have fallen and can't get up" ?
9)Every time we dug an area of our land to plant organically, we dug out trash!
10)Every time we repair one room, it starts a domino effect of another room falling apart.
So now I bravely introduce to the world, my family and friends the innermost feelings of our struggles with Hannah's Haven....
hoping that in my monologues I find the strength to stand up and fight for my dream or the wisdom to walk away knowing that I did the best that I could and it's time to find a new dream!
HANNAH'S HAVEN
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
that is our question. do we build Hannah's Haven or not?
I believed with all my heart that I heard from God. I believed that He would take the very sword used against me and use it against my enemies. I believed that He would take all the suffering and broken-ness from my childhood and use them as strengths.
I believed that I was called to create Hannah's Haven.
Hannah's Haven was a dream of mine to take in special needs foster kids and give them a "forever family".
We bought a fixer upper of a home because it had 3 acres of land that was surrounded by forest and 6 bedrooms.
We bought it because we BELIEVED God himself called us to do so.
We bought it 7 years ago.................
We planned to plant organic gardens, raise small animals and lovingly embrace our arms around hurting children.
Hannah's Haven is a story of ours that is still unfolding. I want to share it with you all and welcome your opinions.
Did I hear from God?
Did the prophets that prophesied over me tell the truth?
Am I simply being attacked because the enemy knows my calling and wants to snuff it out?
Am I simply not patient enough?
Am I simply CRAZY?
Here is the list of what happened since we bought this home, each has it's own story which I will continue to share:
1)Our son Caleb's head stopped growing. He was about 1 years old. We entered a world of MRIs, Catscans, genetic testing and a place of absolute fear for his life and future.
2)My husband developed an infection in his leg that placed him in a hospital. It wouldn't respond to ANY treatment for over a month. They were watching the infection climb his thigh, worried that if it got into an organ; it would be fatal.
3)We experienced a horrific miscarriage.
4)The local power company decided that our land was their land- and without imminent domain began a plan to build on it.
5)We hired our pastor who was a cabinet maker by trade to redo our kitchen. Apparently that meant he could read from a "home depot how to" book...took our money, left the job unfinished and relocated to California because God told him to.
6)We hired a christian electrician who did what he was paid to; kinda.
7)A very close friend's betrayal nearly destroyed our family.
8)An attempt to leave our church of 9 years caused us to enter a cyclone of spiritual abuse that has left us wounded. Do you know the commercial, "I have fallen and can't get up" ?
9)Every time we dug an area of our land to plant organically, we dug out trash!
10)Every time we repair one room, it starts a domino effect of another room falling apart.
So now I bravely introduce to the world, my family and friends the innermost feelings of our struggles with Hannah's Haven....
hoping that in my monologues I find the strength to stand up and fight for my dream or the wisdom to walk away knowing that I did the best that I could and it's time to find a new dream!
Hannah's Haven
To build or NOT to build that is the question.
I have decided to begin a blog to sort through all the experiences that my husband and I have encountered on the journey of building our dream, Hannah's Haven.
Hannah's Haven was a dream, a vision of ours, our calling.......
and now over 10 years later; we wonder,
"was it God's voice we heard or insanity?"
Comments and thoughts are welcome, so are prayers.......as we journey through the path of deciding if it is time to lay down the dream and let it go.
I have decided to begin a blog to sort through all the experiences that my husband and I have encountered on the journey of building our dream, Hannah's Haven.
Hannah's Haven was a dream, a vision of ours, our calling.......
and now over 10 years later; we wonder,
"was it God's voice we heard or insanity?"
Comments and thoughts are welcome, so are prayers.......as we journey through the path of deciding if it is time to lay down the dream and let it go.
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